Friday, September 18, 2009

Go away, Diego, go away!

My young daughter adores the animated series, "Go, Diego, Go!" Every night she asks if she can watch Diego or his cousin Dora in "Dora the Explorer," but I think she prefers Diego because of the animals featured on his show. The show is geared to preschoolers and it teaches some basic information about wild animals and critical thinking.

As I have a scientific background, you might think I would appreciate this show, but in reality I loathe it. Boy do I loathe it. Let me reiterate, I loathe Diego.

Diego, I hate the fact that my two-year-old daughter adores you. I hate the fact that she's going to want to be an "animal rescuer" just like you and that she's going to be heartbroken when she finds out that this is not a valid career choice. She's more likely to become a crazy cat lady with a dozen cats in her house than someone who dashes willy-nilly about the rainforest, miraculously finding and saving the lives of a wild animal each and every day. My daughter is also going to be very disappointed when she finds out that she can't just take a zipline to get to where ever she wants to go each day and that she won't be lauded by talking animals on her morning commute to work.

I hate the fact that the animals talk to Diego and Alicia. Boy, will my daughter be upset when she tries that with our dachshund. I'm deeply annoyed by the talking and singing camera and rescue pack. I find their theme songs as repetitive and inane as a commercial for a children's toy. Oh wait, that's exactly what they are. The very idea of talking lab equipment is wholly inaccurate as none of the PCR equipment in the biochemistry lab was ever helpful by telling me why they weren't working that day, even when I cursed them all the way down to their subatomic levels.

Diego, where are your parents and why are they largely absent in the show? Why do they let you have a baby jaguar as a pet? Keeping a wild animal as a pet is not healthy for the animal and it's certainly not going to be healthy for you when it grows up and tries to eat you. What kind of parents let their 8 year-old-son run around the rainforest without any adult supervision? It's a miracle that you find your way home each episode with nary a scratch on you. Why do they let your older sister, Alicia, drive a car when she's only eleven? Is this some cultural thing I'll never understand because I'm a caucasian living in the US? Honestly, if you have to rely on a talking camera and rescue pack to figure out what animal needs your help and that you'd better take a boat instead of a bike down the river, I'd never let you out of the house.

I hope that my daughter will quickly realize that "Go, Diego, Go!" is naught but a fantasy if only because no one, and I mean no one, on the show ever seems to have as much as a mosquito bite despite the fact that they're living in the middle of the Amazon forest. Even at the tender age of two my daughter knows that you can't venture into our backyard without a dozen mosquitoes homing in on you.

And if my diatribe seems a little harsh for a child's cartoon, don't even get me started on Dora and that damn monkey.

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