Monday, August 15, 2011

Details at Eleven

In an unprecedented move, the Department of Agriculture raided an unlicensed all-you-can-eat bean buffet in Christiansburg, VA, that had become popular with undocumented Mexican bean beetles over the summer. Citing concerns for food safety and the blatant disregard for the economic injury level, the Bean Czar authorized the removal and destruction of a dozen plants known as “Half Runners.” Each of the plants is thought to have supported a multitude of bean beetle families whose fate remains uncertain. Particularly cruel was the use of a small black and tan dog that routed the area after the removal of each plant. Survivors were heard moaning, "Yo quiero mi frijoles." Families of the victims have begun referring to the event as “The Gleaning” and are organizing a protest in response to the day’s event.

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