Thursday, February 4, 2010

The New House List of Questions

If I could ask the previous owners of our house a list of questions, this would be the top ten in no particular order.

1. What was that white stuff that was splattered all over the kitchen floor and cabinets? Yogurt? White paint? Milk?

2. The window screens are bundled together in the garage. Did you ever use them at all in the seven years you lived here?

3. Did you ever think about wiping down the drawer front for the pull-out trash can in the kitchen? Or any of the cabinets for that matter?

4. What made you decide to take both sets of gas logs from the fireplaces and the remote for the garage door opener, but leave the shower curtains?

5. The sink in the master bathroom took ten minutes to drain due to a horrendous clog. Was that something that just didn't bother you?

6. Likewise, the shower head in the stall in the master bathroom could have been used for waterboarding at Guantánamo. Did you find this relaxing?

7. Did you ever realize that the double towel bar in the mater bathroom was installed upside down? Or that there's a mishmash of shiny chrome, oiled bronze, and gold-tone fixtures in there?

8. Did you ever think of re-plumbing the sink in the master bathroom so that the hot water came out of the hot water tap and not the cold water tap? And the garden tub, which has the same problem?

9. I'm guessing you had a yellow lab given the color of dog hair up on the log walls and the chewed up baseboards in the master bath. Am I right?

10. I realize that a log home lends itself to a certain decor, but what possessed you to put up the pine towel bar and shelf in the powder room? Did you just cut down a pine tree over in the woods, hack out a section to use as a shelf and then varnish the whole thing bark and all?

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