Saturday, May 8, 2010

An Open Letter to the Outdoors

Dear Outdoors,

I love you. I really, really do, but it's time we have a talk. For instance, I recognize the great enthusiasm that you plants have for producing pollen, but I'm not your species, so it's not going to work out. Please stop trying to fertilize me with your plant gametes.

And the black flies..... There's nothing for you in my ears or my eyes or down in my bra, so please stop trying to crawl all over me. Although I must admit that I am always amazed at your sweet piquant taste when you fly into my mouth.

I can tell already that your weeds in my garden are going to take a lot of my time this year. I hope we can work out an understanding regarding personal space and respect each others personal boundaries. Otherwise we're in for a rough season and I'd just as soon use all that time and effort eating homegrown tomatoes and swinging in the hammock....if the pollen ever lets up, that is.


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