Monday, April 11, 2011

An Open Declaration of War

Dear Mice,

Yes, you're cute. Too cute for your own good.

I was able to let your occasional trespassing in the mudroom and basement go without too much dismay from me, but I felt obligated to take action when the scratching in the walls got to be too loud. So we put out the humane traps baited with peanut butter. We caught several of you and kindly liberated you in the wildlife reintroduction area of the town dump.

Then you got cocky and began to eat all the peanut butter bait without triggering the traps. I found this mildly irritating but I admit I was impressed with your ingenuity.

But now, I'm sorry, you leave me no choice. Leaving a pile of turds among the spoons in the utensil drawer is an obvious act of aggression that will not be tolerated. Your kind will now be prosecuted to the fullest extent that a spring trap will allow. Unless the dog gets you first, and she's gunning for you today. (If I were you, I'd take the spring trap.)


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